Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Weekly 7 Rough Draft

Konnor Drewen
4/12/011
Did the Roman Empire 'decline and fall' or did it evolve into something new?
            The Roman Empire was a powerful and omnipotent creature in its time. The Romans controlled most of the world; from Italy west, and Greece east.  There was not much in the world that could stop the force that was the Roman Empire. Unfortunately, that is the problem with huge, powerful civilizations; something with that much power will inevitably fall. It is the natural effect of excessive enormity. The Roman Empire is a perfect example of a world controlling nation, and as history teaches us world controlling nations will unavoidably decline and fall.    The Roman Empire evolved because there are symbols of them all over Europe still today.
            Edward Gibbon said, “The arms of the republic, sometimes vanquished in battle, always victorious in war, advanced with rapid steps to the Euphrates, the Danube, the Rhine, and the Ocean; and the images of gold, or silver, or brass, that might serve to represent the nations and their kings, were successively broken by the iron monarchy of Rome” (Gibbon, 1776). The reason this quote was used was to prove that the Roman Empire was all powerful. Whoever got in the way anywhere in the world would be crush by the might of Roma. The wealth of the other civilizations was taken then destroyed for the glory of Roma. This is a fact that the Roman Empire was unable to be stopped, but the one thing that always stops civilizations and causes them to fall is time.
            “The rise of a city, which swelled into an empire, may deserve, as a singular prodigy, the reflection of a philosophic mind. But the decline of Rome was the natural and inevitable effect of immoderate greatness” (Gibbon, 1776). This is another reason assisting in explaining why the Roman Empire did not evolve but breakdown. It had too much power. The Romans may have been wise, and strong, but all of that land that influential could not be controlled by one nation for long. Eventually people would want that power and rise up against it. When that happened they fought like warriors but when the brunt of the world was bearing down against their civilization, there is nothing they could do but fall.
            “Beyond the Rhine and Danube the northern countries of Europe and Asia were filled with innumerable tribes of hunters and shepherds, poor, voracious, and turbulent; bold in arms, and impatient to ravish the fruits of industry; The barbarian world was agitated by the rapid impulse of war; and the peace of Gaul or Italy was shaken by the distant revolutions of China; the Huns, who fled before a victorious enemy, directed their march towards the West; and the torrent was swelled by the gradual accession of captives and allies; the flying tribes who yielded to the Huns assumed in their turn the spirit of conquest; the endless column of barbarians pressed on the Roman Empire with accumulated weight; and, if the foremost were destroyed, the vacant space was instantly replenished by new assailants” (Gibbon, 1776). This particularly long quote is telling of the final acts against the Roman Empire that caused it to fall. It was attacked by barbarians and the Huns until it finally collapsed under the equal weight of its foe. They were attacked again and again by the enemy and even if the wave of attackers was defeated it would be replaced by another almost as quickly as it had been destroyed. The Roman Empire, so powerful, could not have taken on the constant onslaught for long so it had nothing to do, but collapse.  
            The Roman Empire; dominant, unstoppable, and sagacious, could have ruled for longer but, the thing that stops empires is much stronger; time. The Romans did not evolve, they fell, but they fell with pride. They fought till the end, and lost. They may have lost, but people still remember their power today.  The greatness and the glory was so overpowering that they did not become some other civilization over the course of hundreds of years; they were born Roman and they fell being Roman.

3 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. five paragraphs- check
    five to seven sentences- check
    thesis- check
    quote- check
    in text citation- check except in your first paragraph you state that the Roman Empire expanded from Italy to Greece unless you already knew that for a fact, I would create an in text citation for it.
    bibliography- missing
    four analysis sentences- check
    conclusion- check
    emphasis- might want to consider switching the second and third paragraphs
    no personal pronouns- check
    academic tone- check
    avoid generalizations- check
    unnecessary information- check
    original- check
    For your first paragraph in the body to help support your thesis, you say that Rome is all powerful. But just because Rome has that supreme power, does not mean that instead of changing it falls. Very strong second paragraph. Third paragraph is pretty good, but also just because barbarians invaded doesn't mean that some of the Roman traditions were not kept after the invasion. Concluding paragraph did a great job really emphasizing your thesis.

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  3. "The Roman Empire is a perfect example of a world-controlling nation, and as history teaches us world controlling nations will unavoidably decline and fall."

    Refrain from using 1st person personal pronouns ("us") in an academic essay -- especially in the thesis statement. Also, you might use a different word than "world-controlling" -- after all, most of the world was NOT actually ruled by Rome -- ie. China, India...

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